Writers Unbound

Thursday 13 Edition #1 (I’ve been Thursday-13ing for a while, but I haven’t actually participated in /linked to the meme. My predecessor here at WU might have, but I haven’t. So, I’m going to start us off again on an official WUThursday 13 roll.)
Here is Edition 1.

Holiday time, already. Yes. Why? Because that’s what they tell us freelance writers. Start writing your holiday articles now.People are searching for gift ideas already. Make your pitches. Bring in traffic. If you so happen to be a freelance writer in hopes of a holiday article in a “real” magazine, well baby, your chance for this year’s holiday is long gone. Write one now and send it in; maybe you’ll be pertinent enough for next year.

I tell ya. It’s enough to make a holiday-loving gal a real Scrooge. Isn’t the thing we love most about holidays the fact that they are brief? That’s what makes us anticipate them. We’re not celebrating holidays, wrapping gifts, baking cookies, singing carols, and tying up mistletoe OR[insert your version of holiday merriment here] 365 days a year. More like 4 weeks, 8 if we stretch it all the way from November 1 to the end of December.

But the freelance writers: we get to live it for much, much longer than that. So to help all of us find a way to enjoy the holidays once we actually get to them, here is my Thursday 13 list:

1. Turn the heat way up all through October and be sure you’re sweating while you write. It will make the holidays seem so-o-o far away. By the time you finish your articles and things are really chilly outside, you’ll appreciate it.
2. For every 3 holiday articles you write, force yourself to write 1 article about modern cannibalism, high school poetry, what really goes in fast food, or something equally repulsive. It will make the holidays seem extremely appealing all over again.
3. Write some of your articles from the perspective of an alien seeking to understand the strange planet earth customs. Let it rekindle your fascination.
4. Whatever you do, don’tgive in to the urge to turn on Christmas carols to “get you in the mood” while you’re writing the holiday articles. It will completely backfire and by the time the radio stations are playing them, you won’t be able to tolerate another chorus of Jingle Bells without jingling somebody’s bells right out the window.
5. In lieu of holiday music, listen to foreign or different-from-your-norm music instead, like gypsy rock or country or African or tonal. Something you’re not normally into. It will help you disconnect from what you’re writing… (I’m totally making that up, but try it and let me know if it works.)
6. Don’t eat any cookies until December 1st. None. No fudge either, of any kind, and limit your chocolate to the minimum level required to sustain life.
7. Try to get the article writing jobs that are about the “other” holidays of winter. If you normally celebrate Hanukkah, write about Christmas and Kwanzaa. If you celebrate Christmas, write about Hanukkah, Winter Solstice, Kwanzaa… You get the idea. It will help you learn about all the holidays and keep your own from becoming stale before Thanksgiving.
8. Use your holiday articles for a cathartic emotional release. Write about all the things you wish you could change about your childhood holidays, or the traditions you hated, or the worst gift you ever got. Cry. Weep over the keyboard. Then lift your head, blow your nose, and create the holiday of your dreams.
9. Write your holiday articles from the opposite of your normal holiday philosophic viewpoint. For example, if you hate the mass marketization of Christmas, write like a person who buys into it all. Or, if you buy into it all, write like a person who is cynical of selling holidays. If you’re into full holiday home regalia, write articles about Christmas minimalism. And vice versa.
10. Go ahead and do all your decorating while you’re in the midst of writing all those holiday articles. It will get you inspired, you’ll be months ahead of the neighbors, and then you can take a nap when you’re through with the holiday writing…
11. Send proposals for Valentine’s, St. Patrick’s Day, and Easter articles to your Christmas clients now. Sure, maybe they’ll think you’re crazy, but it will give you something to write besides more winter holiday topics. And some of them might even be impressed with how ahead-of-schedule you are, hire you on, and then you’ll get to write about St. Patty’s day instead of New Year’s Day! Oh, wow!
12. Ban your friends and family members from mentioning anything to do with holidays, festivities, travel plans, or gift ideas until you have finished writing all your holiday articles. Tell them you simply must be able to think about non-holiday things while conversing, since you are so entrenched in holidays while writing, and that they’ll ruin your entire holiday if they don’t cooperate. If they rebel, threaten to take them off the gift list. But don’t talk about actual gifts…
13. No matter how chilly it gets weather-wise, don’t allow yourself to wear any sweaters, corduroys, scarves, gloves, jackets, winter hats, or pullovers until you have written all your articles. You should consider limiting wool socks, as well. Those items are reserved for “actual holiday time wear” and banning them will help you separate writing from actually celebrating.

Make it a good day.